Benjy
Legal

Terms of Service

Last updated: October 31, 2026. Previous versions were the responsibility of a former employee.

1. Scope

These terms govern the use of this website and any request submitted through it (a "Request"). By using the website you agree to these terms, or to whichever version of them is most convenient for us at the time.

2. The service

Benjy provides responsibility-absorption professionals ("Scapegoats") who accept blame for incidents on behalf of an organization (the "Client") and remain on each incident for as long as required. The Client acknowledges that responsibility, once transferred, cannot be transferred back, except under the Boomerang clause, which we do not offer.

3. Requests

  1. Submitting a Request does not create a contract, an engagement, an obligation or a reply.
  2. We do not respond to Requests. Silence should not be interpreted as acceptance, refusal, or as anything else.
  3. Requests are not stored, as described in the privacy notice.

4. Fees

Fees are charged by the hour, in six-minute increments, at the rate matching the severity of the incident. Severity is assessed on the day, by the volume of shouting. We never request payment through this website, by email or by any other channel; anyone doing so on our behalf is not us, which, given our line of work, is ironic.

5. Client obligations

  1. The Client shall not praise the Scapegoat publicly while the incident is ongoing.
  2. The Client shall not offer the Scapegoat a permanent position, or name a meeting room after the Scapegoat.

6. Scapegoat performance

Scapegoats display remorse at the level of the plan booked. Any remorse beyond that level is a gesture of goodwill and does not appear on the invoice.

7. Limitation of liability

To the extent permitted by law, Benjy accepts no responsibility for anything. We are aware of how this looks.

8. Governing law

These terms are governed by the law of whichever jurisdiction finds them least interesting. Any dispute shall be resolved amicably, and if that fails, attributed to someone else.

9. Changes

We may change these terms at any time. Material changes will be announced via a statement that begins "Following a thorough review".

10. Nature of this website

This website is a work of satire. Benjy does not exist, offers no services and employs no scapegoats. No booking, payment, or engagement of any kind is possible. All organizations, persons, testimonials and figures are fictional, and any resemblance to real ones is coincidental — although, if you recognized your employer, we understand.